Still In Shock

Today I went to church in the morning. it was so hard! The lesson was such a beautiful tribute to mothers and I just couldn't get my mind off of my grandma. I have to say though it reaffirmed my strength. We can handle this. it is gonna be hard and quite an adjustment but we can be at peace knowing where she is now. Thank you Grandma for the time we had together! gonna miss you!!
Tomorrow I have to go to the funeral home to make arrangements I thought wouldn't have to be made for many more years, or should I say I hoped wouldn't have to be. It hit me tonight when I was writing her obituary and I saw a rough draft of the final product. MY GRANDMA IS GOING TO BE IN THE OBITUARIES.... it can't be true. It was her picture on the computer in the article! P.S. I am gonna go into the funeral business, $209 for an obituary!!! Some floral arrangements $300+!!!! Can they just kick us while we are down a little more?!?!?! Ah I just want her funeral to reflect her life. I always wanted the best for her. She deserved it. She always made sure everyone else was taken care of before herself. So Grandma I am gonna make sure tomorrow everything is according to the way you wanted it. whatever it takes! you are gonna have a beautiful celebration of your life! I picked out the beautiful red outfit that I walked with you for hours around the mall to find for Rob's wedding. I noticed that anytime you felt it was a special occasion that red outfit came out. You loved it! so I thought it would be perfect.
ok i am gonna end my random thoughts for the night. I know they are all over the place but that's how I feel right now. I am happy that you are at "area wide singing" 24-7! But I miss you like crazy!!
love you Grandma!